RNC '08: Hooking up with comely conservatives
HOW TO GET TO THIRD BASE WITH A SOCIAL CONSERVATIVE
Research studies indicate that socially conservative people tend to be more concerned with personal characteristics, such as a potential mate's religious beliefs and perceived suitability as a parent, whereas their liberal counterparts are attracted to good looks, wit and social status.
If a lady's fixing to get far with a social conservative, she ought not fear that staple of her wardrobe, the low-cut shirt -- just so long as she's willing to accessorize with a crucifix. Also note that conservative women are famous for plastering on their makeup like trollops, so apply liberally! If she's after a family man, she might consider tying a red, white and blue cardigan around her waist -- this preserves modesty and boasts love of country while accentuating those birthing hips. Once she's comfortable, she should refer to her love interest as "Boy Scout."
A fellow's job is considerably easier -- most single conservative women-of-a-certain-age are so panicked about impending spinsterhood, they'll pet pretty much anything.
I'm guessing this is probably done tongue-in-cheek, but the problem is that for folks like me who aren't familiar with Vita.mn, it just looks like a link from the Strib to a story. And the bottom of the page says copyright Star Tribune. So is this a newspaper editorial section, or does the Strib now have stand-up comedians doing the Lifestyle section?